


The Calculation

by malcolmreeds



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 01:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2250954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malcolmreeds/pseuds/malcolmreeds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just knowing that he was the one who made Rodney smile made Radek’s heart flutter. Were those butterflies in his stomach? Come to think of it, Radek couldn't remember a time when the butterflies hadn’t been there when he looked at Rodney. That’s when the realisation hit him. Radek liked Rodney. Not just in the way that he liked and cared for a friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Calculation

Radek couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he had fallen hard for Doctor McKay. He didn’t know if it was a gradual thing or if it had only happened over the past couple of weeks. Radek had always found his superior attractive from the moment he laid eyes on him, although he would never admit that. What he did know, was the exact moment the realization hit him that he had feelings for the man, deep feelings. 

It started after the Wraith had attacked Atlantis. Many people, good people, had given their lives in defence of the city. The city’s systems had been damaged and science teams were working around the clock to get them running again. Rodney was tenser than usual, barking orders and adding scathing comments that cut deep. Radek definitely remembered being called an ‘idiotic stupid worthless moron’ when he’d accidentally got a calculation wrong. Rodney was spread thin over so many projects, making his anxiety levels through the roof as he wasn’t able to oversee everything. Radek found himself constantly supplying coffee to the tired workers without being asked. 

At three in the morning it was only Rodney and Radek left, trying to boost the shields exponentially without the use of a ZPM.

‘Look, it’s getting late, I really think we need some sleep,’ Radek looked at his watch, ‘We have to be up in four hours. 

‘You go ahead,’ Rodney replied, jabbing hard at the keyboard, ‘I can deal with this.’

‘You’ve had less than eight hours of sleep in the past week. You need to take a break.’

‘So, you’re counting?’ Rodney didn’t look up from the screen, ‘Why are you keeping tabs on me Zelenka? I am a grown man I can take care of myself you know.’

‘I know it’s just … look, I’m worried about you, we all are. I know you think everyone must hate you because you shout at them all of the time, but people are concerned.’

Rodney didn’t say anything for a minute, just sipped at his cup of coffee and looked angrily at the screen. 

‘I don’t think you understand what’s at stake here.’

‘The shield modifications?’ Radek gestured towards the computer screen, ‘They can wait until the morning. The chances of us being attacked between now and then are incredibly slim. Besides, the Wraith think we are all dead.’

It took Rodney a while to reply again. When he looked up Radek could tell that his demeanour had changed. He suddenly seemed to look years older, with all the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

‘I’m just so tired Radek,’ his voice was smaller than Radek had ever heard it, ‘And I don’t mean ‘less than eight hours of sleep in a week’ kind of tired. I’m tired of making mistakes. I’m tired of the city being attacked. I’m tired … I’m tired of people dying.’

Radek wasn’t sure how to respond, he’d barely seen Rodney display an emotion other than annoyance. Rodney’s body tensed and he hit the keys on his laptop with anger.

‘You know what, forget I said anything,’ he added throwing his hands up in the air, eyes veiled. 

‘No, no, no, Rodney … I understand. I get it. But the city is not just your responsibility you know. It’s not your fault that people … look, what I’m trying to say is that you should not blame yourself. This is nobody’s fault.’

A muscle in Rodney’s jaw twitched and he yawned, rubbing his tired eyes. Just looking at him made Radek feel exhausted. 

‘You,’ with a swift motion Radek shut Rodney’s laptop, ‘Should really get some sleep.’

‘I suppose you’re right,’ Rodney looked up at him, ‘You know, if I weren’t so tired I’d have hit you for that.’

‘And don’t expect me not to hit back,’ Radek smirked.

And just like that, Rodney smiled. In a time or worry and despair, Radek had made that sad broken man smile. Knowing that he was the one who made Rodney smile made Radek’s heart flutter. Were those butterflies in his stomach? Come to think of it, Radek couldn't remember a time when the butterflies hadn’t been there when he looked at Rodney. That’s when the realisation hit him. Radek liked Rodney. Not just in the way that he liked and cared for a friend but … Radek was cautious not to drop ‘an l bomb’ – maybe this was just a fleeting crush – but inside he knew. 

‘Zelenka, are you alright?’ Rodney’s voice suddenly came to Radek’s attention.

He awkwardly cleared his throat, realising he’d been looking at Rodney for a short while. Radek went red and hoped the dark room would mask it. 

‘Yes, sorry … I’m just exhausted. It is definitely time for bed.’

The two tired scientists split off and made their way to their bedrooms. As soon as Radek entered his room he put his head in his hands, this was really going to complicate things.

 

In the weeks that followed, Radek kept his distance from Rodney. He decided that he couldn’t let his feelings for Rodney to get in the way of his job. It didn’t stop his feelings for him, in fact they got stronger, but Radek tried to push them to the back of his mind and let other things distract him. He had a job to do and he couldn’t complicate things. Of course, Radek continued to work with Rodney but that was the minimum amount of time he allowed himself to spend with him, despite the fact that he wanted more.

Radek sat by himself in the mess hall, fitting in a quick lunch before he had to help Cole reconfigure one of the Ancient systems. The clang of a tray being put down on the table brought Radek out of his thoughts. He looked up, it was Rodney.

‘You’ve been avoiding me.’

‘Excuse me?’

Rodney sat down and raised an eyebrow. Eating a mouthful of potato, he continued.

‘You’ve been avoiding me. Don’t even try to deny it, even when we work together you’ve barely been saying anything to me. Heck, you barely even react when I’m scolding you,’ Rodney ate another mouthful, ‘I know I’m terrible at picking up on people’s signals but I’m pretty sure on this one.’

‘So what if I am?’ Radek suddenly didn’t feel so hungry.

‘What do you mean if? You totally are,’ surprisingly, Radek couldn’t gauge the look on Rodney’s normally expressive face, ‘So …. why are you avoiding me anyway?’  
Radek’s mouth went dry.

‘I mean we’re fr–‘ Rodney caught himself, ‘We’re colleagues, we know each other, we hang out on occasion. I mean, it’s not like I actually enjoy your company. I’m just … curious.’

Radek could sense that Rodney’s guard had gone up, the air in the room seemed suddenly tense. 

‘Well … look, I don’t know how to explain,’ Radek replied cagily.

‘Ha! So I was right, you are avoiding me!’ the expression on Rodney’s face changed and he added in a small voice, ‘Was it something I said? Because y’know half the time I don’t mean stuff and sometimes I just say too much.’

Radek suddenly worried that Rodney was alluding to the conversation they had a few weeks ago, when Rodney had shown a softer side to himself.

‘No, no, of course not. I’m just … stressed is all. I thought withdrawing from people would help,’ it wasn’t the full truth but Radek wasn’t exactly willing to spill his emotions.

‘Oh … well … alright,’ Rodney relaxed a little and continued to eat.

Radek thought that Rodney would get up and eat with someone else, but was strangely comforted when he didn’t. 

 

A few days later Radek had wound up helping Rodney repair some systems on a puddlejumper after it had a run in with a hostile species. Rodney was lying on his back fiddling with a bunch of wires while Radek guided him through the safest way to repair the ship without short circuiting every one of its systems.

‘I wish Hendricks would stop flying this thing so dangerously, she’s almost as bad as Sheppard,’ Rodney groaned, trying to untangle the mess.

‘This is the fifth time she has badly damaged a puddlejumper,’ Radek noted, pushing his glasses further up his nose, ‘I think we need a complete rewiring of the navigation to get it working again.’

‘I’m on it.’

The two worked in silence for a few minutes, Radek looking up schematics on his tablet and Rodney fitting new wires in place of the frayed ones.

‘Y’know,’ Rodney broke the quiet atmosphere, ‘I mean, I’m not one to offer stuff like this voluntarily. I have to have an ulterior motive right?’

‘Rodney I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ Radek said, exasperated.

‘I was just gonna say that, what I said a few days ago? About not enjoying your company? That wasn’t entirely true.’

‘Oh?’ Radek set his tablet aside and raised an eyebrow, ‘Am I hearing this right? Rodney McKay actually saying something nice? To me?’

‘Hey I am nice sometimes!’ Rodney looked up at Radek whose eyebrow was still raised, ‘Okay, very, very occasionally.’

‘I remember you once saying that one of my ideas was ‘not entirely stupid’. That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,’ Radek replied, ‘You are an ass Rodney.’

‘Okay, maybe I’m not nice to you, but I swear I can be nice!’

‘I wonder what on Lantea has brought this on.’

Rodney shrugged and continued working on the wires, ‘You said earlier you were stressed and you look it. I thought maybe you could use a pick me up. Besides, you kept making me coffee even though I was a jerk to you before, so I guess we’re even now.’

Radek smiled. He watched Rodney working under the controls of the puddlejumper. He watched the sheer sense of concentration spread over his face as he became completely enveloped in his work.

And Radek really wanted to kiss him.

At that moment every system and light inside the puddlejumper cut out. Rodney must have accidentally tripped the wiring. He emerged from underneath the controls.

‘Well, crap.’

 

After the power had gone off in the jumper it took the two of them a further two hours over their estimated finish time to get it working again. It was getting late, but Rodney said he was starving so they headed to the mess hall for a midnight snack. They talked for a while abut nothing in particular before going to bed, and Radek decided that avoiding Rodney was pointless. He enjoyed the time they spent together too much to let it go (apart from the Rodney berating him moments). Even though Radek didn’t want his deeper feelings for Rodney to get in the way of their work, he couldn’t let the friendship (could he call it that now?) go for nothing. Radek just needed to push the romantic feelings down deeper, but it was much easier said than done. 

 

It was during work hours not many days later when Radek found himself staring. Rodney was designating tasks to the team and Radek became sort of transfixed. He watched Rodney’s mouth as he gave orders and began to wonder what his lips felt like. Radek decided that they must be soft, but yearned for more conclusive evidence.

‘Atlantis station to Zelenka, come in Zelenka,’ Rodney clicked his fingers in front of Radek’s face, bringing him out of his daydream.

He felt his cheeks going red and was certain the lighting in the room wouldn’t mask it this time.

‘You need to realign the manifolds? Did you catch any of that?’ Rodney arched an eyebrow.

‘Ah, yes, manifolds, of course,’ Radek said, feeling awkward.

Radek left the room to do his work as quickly as possible, trying to contain his embarrassment.

 

‘Doctor Heightmeyer … you’ve … been in a relationship before right?’ Radek asked.

Every six months, all members of the Atlantis expedition were to have a compulsory check up with Doctor Heightmeyer. It was Radek’s turn. Everything had checked out and the session was over, but Radek needed advice. He wanted to talk to someone who he knew wouldn’t leak the message all the way to Rodney.

‘Why the sudden interest in my love life Doctor Zelenka, are you asking me on a date?’ Heightmeyer replied.

‘No, no, no, no, of course not!’ Radek quickly made himself clear, ‘Not that you’re not a lovely person it’s just … I’m not interested in you specifically.’

‘Don’t worry Radek, I was just teasing,’ Heightmeyer smiled at Radek who was getting flustered.

‘Well, you’re a psychiatrist, you know people. I thought perhaps you could help me with … relationship advice?’ Radek said sheepishly, ‘I mean, it’s not like I haven’t been in a relationship before it’s just … this is different.’

‘How so?’ Radek was glad that Heightmeyer was taking him seriously. 

‘Well … I’ve never had a thing for a friend before, never mind somebody I work in such close proximity with,’ Radek replied, ‘I wasn’t sure what I should do. Should I tell him and risk our working relationship and friendship, or just leave the feelings until they eventually become less overwhelming.’

Heightmeyer took a moment to mull the conundrum over before she replied, ‘If you want my personal opinion, I think you should tell him. Yes you could jeopardise your friendship, but is he really a true friend to begin with if he doesn’t want to speak to you again when you share your feelings? Worst case scenario, I think he would say he’s not interested in you in a romantic way but would like to stay friends.’

‘And why do you say that?’ Radek was curious.

‘I’m pretty sure Doctor McKay appreciates your friendship more than you realise and more than he lets on.’

‘How did you - ?’ Radek left the question hanging.

Heightmeyer smiled, ‘Come on Radek, I’ve seen the way you look at him! I’m pretty sure the entire base knows … well, everyone but the man in question.’

‘Ah, well … that’s – that’s, well … okay,’ Radek went red.

‘Hey don’t worry about it. You should tell him, it’ll be fine.’

‘Thank you Kate.’

And with that Radek left the room, pondering over what to do next. How on Lantea was he going to break it to him? Did Rodney even like guys? And if he did, would he even like Radek in that way? Radek was starting to wish that he wasn’t such a love sick puppy. Adding to his already worrying predicament was the fact that many people on Atlantis already knew of Radek’s ‘crush’ on Rodney, that’s what Heightmeyer had lead him to believe anyway. Radek shook his head as if physically trying to disperse his thoughts and continued down the corridor.

 

It was one of those late nights again, Radek and Rodney kept awake by multiple cups of coffee. A new piece of Ancient technology had been discovered in the city and the two of them were trying to determine what the machine was actually for. Rodney had forbidden Radek to touch it as he was sure he’d break something.

‘So, Rodney …’ Radek broke the amiable silence, ‘How is your love life on Atlantis going?’

‘Love life?’ Rodney raised an eyebrow, ‘Well I had that thing with Katie Brown. I mean, she was nice and all but I haven’t been able to speak to her since that whole Cadman thing.’

‘Ah, I see.’

‘There’s been nothing other than that though,’ Rodney pulled a panel off the back of the device, ‘What about you? Seeing any beautiful women lately?’ 

‘No … not ever actually.’

‘What, you’ve never been in a relationship before?’ Rodney looked over to Radek.

‘No, I have. Just, not with … a woman.’

‘Oh right.’

‘Does that bother you?’

‘No, why should it?’ Rodney replied matter of fact.

‘It’s just … some people …’ Radek shrugged.

‘Well I’m not some people,’ Rodney answered, reattaching the panel, ‘I’m your friend.’

Radek looked back down at his readouts but he could not keep the smile from spreading over his face. That was the first time Rodney had said that Radek was his ‘friend’. Not his ‘colleague’ or ‘a pain in the ass’, but his ‘friend’. They sat quietly for a few more minutes, Radek still gazing at the readouts on his tablet and Rodney messing with a few buttons on the front of the machine.

‘I dated a guy once back in college,’ Rodney spoke up, ‘Out of any of the people I dated I find he’s the one I think back to the most. I mean it ended because I was a complete ass, as always, but I do think about it. I don’t think I’ve really told anyone about that.’

Rodney squinted at the display on the machine and pressed a few more buttons. He then looked over to Radek.

‘Why the sudden interest in my love life anyway?’

‘No reason!’ Radek replied, a bit too quickly, ‘I was just making conversation.’

‘Oh, alright,’ Radek was sure that a look of disappointment crossed Rodney’s features for a split second.

It was quiet for a little while longer, until the butterflies in Radek’s stomach became too much to handle. He had to do something about it.

‘Look … that’s not exactly true,’ Radek said, setting his tablet aside, ‘I … I wanted to ask you something.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Rodney turned to Radek.

At that moment a loud voice sounded throughout the Atlantis station: ‘Unscheduled off-world activation!’

Forgetting their work, Rodney and Radek made their way to the gateroom as quickly as possible.

‘Close the iris!’ was the first thing they heard Elizabeth say when they arrived.

‘I can’t. We’re locked out,’ Chuck pressed the button again, ‘There’s some kind of jamming signal, it’s draining the power. I’m not receiving an IDC.’

‘Rodney, Zelenka, work on a way to get the iris running,’ Elizabeth ordered.

But it was too late. Five men in uniforms came through the wormhole, which destabilised behind them. They were Soltrak soldiers. The team had met them on an offworld mission that didn’t exactly go to plan. The main system of government were not very welcoming to the Atlantis team, and the only reason they got out alive was from the help of Soltrak rebels. But how on earth was the Soltrak government able to find out the gate address for Atlantis, and block the iris?

The soldiers were brandishing weapons and pointing them at anyone they had in their sights.

‘I’m going to create a small explosion to distract them,’ Rodney said in a hushed tone, ‘I’ve set one of the panels by the gate to self-destruct. When they’re distracted, Sheppard and the others should be able to get a clear shot.’ 

Sheppard and some military personnel stood by with guns.

‘What are you doing there?’ Radek asked.

‘Hopefully this should time it. The explosion should go off in one minute,’ Rodney replied.

‘Should?’ Sheppard sounded doubtful. 

‘If you don’t come down from up there in ten seconds, one of your people dies!’ a Soltrak soldier barked.

‘Look, you guys go down. My soldiers and I aren’t visible from back here,’ Sheppard whispered, ‘If Rodney’s explosion happens we’ll be able to take them out.’

‘What if it doesn’t?’ Elizabeth hissed.

‘What do you mean what if it doesn’t?! Of course it will,’ Rodney assured. 

‘Three, two – ‘ Elizabeth cut off the Soltrak’s countdown.

‘Alright! We’re coming!’

Elizabeth, Chuck, Rodney and Radek descended the stairs. The Soltrak then trained their guns on them. 

‘So I take it the four of you are less expendable?’ the main Soltrak soldier said, ‘You’re more important. Perhaps the city can’t function without you? Certainly not you Doctor Weir. What would happen to this place if you ceased to exist?’

Elizabeth stood proudly, her chin jutting up slightly, ‘If I die, another competent person would take my place. You would not force this city and its people to crumble, to give up. They would stay strong, my death wouldn’t change their resolve.’

‘A nice speech,’ the soldier replied mockingly, ‘But it is not you my people are after. Although, I would not hesitate to pull the trigger on anyone if needs be.’

The four of them stayed silent.

‘Where is John Sheppard?’ 

Nobody answered him.

‘Where is John Sheppard?!’ the soldier barked, ‘Or one of you dies, starting with him.’

The Soltrak soldier pointed his gun to the centre of Radek’s chest. Radek swallowed hard.

‘He’s offworld,’ Elizabeth spoke up.

‘Offworld,’ the soldier smirked, ‘I’m not buying into that ploy.’

‘No, no, no, no, he’s definitely offworld,’ Rodney tried to hide the tremor in his voice, ‘If you come with me back up there I can prove to you he’s offworld and isn’t due back in a few hours.’

He was stalling, waiting for the explosion that was already fifteen seconds overdue.

‘Am I supposed to believe this story?’ the Soltrak soldier remarked ‘You would not readily give me this information. I think John Sheppard is here, ready to ambush me as soon as I go up those stairs. A shame. Nobody had to die today.’

And with that, the soldier squeezed the trigger. By sheer coincidence, the explosion happened only a split second later. John and his military personnel came forward and were able to target the Soltrak soldiers. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion for Radek as he watched those situations take place. The few seconds it took him to realise he’d been shot seemed to stretch on for an eternity. As soon as he looked down at his chest to see blood soaking through his t-shirt the pain overwhelmed  
him and he sunk to his knees. Somewhere next to him, a voice screamed ‘no!’. 

Rodney was by his side in an instant, grabbing him before he fully fell and propping him up on his lap.

‘You idiot!’ Rodney yelled, Radek’s head resting in the crook of his arm, ‘Why did you have to get yourself shot!?’

Radek tried to say something but choked on the blood in the back of his throat. He coughed up blood, bubbling from his mouth and dripping down his chin.

‘Medical emergency in the gateroom! Get here immediately!’ Elizabeth shouted into her headset.

Radek looked up at Rodney and tried to take in his features. God, Rodney was going to be the last person he saw before he died. Radek suddenly felt a pang of guilt, was he going to cause Rodney emotional distress from dying in his arms? Maybe he should summon all of his strength to roll to the side and die on the floor instead. All of those thoughts stopped sharply as the pain in his chest became too overwhelming to bear. It seemed to course throughout his whole body and he could see lights dancing behind his eyes. He was aware of his strength rapidly failing him and could feel his eyes rolling back.

‘No, no, no, no, don’t you dare die on me you moron!’ Rodney yelled at him, ‘Stay with me!’

Radek blinked hard, trying to bring everything back into focus. His chest felt like it was on fire, the pain wasn’t becoming any easier to bear. He choked again, more blood bubbling from his mouth. He was shaking.

‘Radek, stay with me, please,’ Rodney’s voice was softer this time, breaking and desperate.

Radek blinked again, looking up at Rodney. He had so much he wanted to tell him, but didn’t have the energy to speak. He looked hard at Rodney’s face trying to burn it into his memory before … god, the pain was too much. He knew he was going to pass out soon and that would be the end of it. 

‘Please … don’t –‘ but there was a lump in Rodney’s throat and he couldn’t say anything else.

Radek looked at Rodney’s lips. He really wished he had the chance to find out how soft they were before he died, but he didn’t even have the energy to raise his head. Radek became vaguely aware of Carson’s voice somewhere in the gateroom. Radek gave one last look at the man he loved before the world turned black.

 

A dull throbbing pain in his chest was the first thing Radek became aware of. His whole body ached and he could hear some soft beeping noises and somebody talking. Radek then remembered being shot and wondered how long he had been out for. 

Radek slowly opened his eyes and the room swam into focus. He was in the infirmary, that would explain the weird sensation in his nose, he had tubes leading from it. Looking to his left he saw that his hand was hooked up to a drip. When he looked to his right he saw Rodney there, looking clearly exhausted. But Rodney hadn’t noticed he had woken up. He was reading aloud a mission report, presumably from a mission he’d been on in the time Radek had been unconscious. 

‘ “Conclusively, Doctor Kavanagh could not remain composed enough under pressure to perform the task to a basic standard, which is why I am recommending he no longer accompany any team on offworld missions.” I mean come on, how did he think shooting the damn thing was gonna do us any favours? It was a wonder we weren’t all brutally killed by the – Radek!’ Rodney put the mission report down, his tired features creased into a smile for a second or two, ‘You’re awake!’

Radek blinked rapidly. His chest hurt, nowhere near as bad as when he got shot, but he was in pain nonetheless. He cleared his throat.

‘How long … have I been out?’ Radek’s voice sounded gravelly from not being used.

‘A week,’ Rodney replied, handing him his glasses, ‘It was pretty hit and miss for a while. Jesus Radek, I can’t believe you went and got yourself shot.’

‘I seem to remember … something about an explosion that was supposed to go off in one minute,’ Radek wheezed.

Radek coughed and found himself instinctively grabbing Rodney’s hand as the pain in his chest escalated. He couldn’t believe he had survived that shooting, he thought he was a dead man for sure.

‘What happened … to the Soltrak?’ Radek asked. 

‘Sheppard and the others took care of them,’ Rodney replied grimly, ‘One of them wasn’t mortally wounded so we have him in a holding cell, but he’s not saying anything.’

‘Did you find out … how they got past the iris?’

‘I’m still working on that,’ Rodney admitted, ‘But my team is full of halfwits. That’s why you need to recover to help me figure this out, you’re slightly better than them.’

‘Slightly?’ Radek laughed even though it hurt. 

'Ah, Radek! Welcome to the land of the living!’ Carson beamed, appearing at the foot of the bed, ‘How are you feeling.’

‘Alright,’ Radek replied, ‘Sore but I will live.’

‘That’s to be expected. You gave us quite the run around. You actually died for two minutes,’ Carson told him, ‘It took us a lot of effort to revive you, but you fought and pulled through. You’ve got a while to go yet but I expect you to make a full recovery.’

Rodney yawned loudly, Carson tutted.

‘You should go to bed. You’re no use tired. Radek needs a lot of rest and you’re not exactly helping,’ Carson told Rodney, he then turned to Radek, ‘He’s barely left your side. Making him go to bed is a very difficult task!’

‘Okay, okay. I promise I’ll go to bed,’ Rodney replied, ‘Could you give us a minute first? Then I promise I’ll go to sleep.’ 

‘Seeing as you promised,’ Carson said, then to Radek, ‘Rest as much as you can alright?’

Radek nodded and Carson walked off. Rodney didn’t say anything for a little while. Radek couldn’t stop looking at him, thankful that he was able to see him again.

‘Look, about the conversation we had before you brilliantly decided to get yourself shot,’ Rodney spoke up, ‘When you said you wanted to ask me something?’

Radek nodded, recalling the heart to heart they’d had while looking over a piece of Ancient machinery.

‘Well … what were you going to say?’

Radek’s stomach tied itself into knots and his heart thumped loudly in his chest. The fear of losing Rodney’s friendship lurched in his mind. But then he recalled what Heightmeyer had said, that Rodney appreciated his friendship more than Radek realised. He then noted that Rodney had not loosened his grip on Radek’s hand. He took a deep breath, it was now or never.

‘I was going to say that I … well … I quite like you. And I was wondering if – if you wanted – I mean you don’t have to … but if you wanted to then – I was wondering if you would like to perhaps, maybe, go on a … a date? With me? I mean you don’t have to … it’s quite a silly idea really – I was just wondering,’ Radek physically had to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying anything more. 

Radek couldn’t quite gauge the look on Rodney’s face, which made his heart beat even faster.

‘So, you like me even though I’m constantly calling you names and shouting at you and putting you down?’ Rodney sounded slightly astonished, but also a bit embarrassed.

‘Of course,’ Radek replied, a little too quickly, and felt the blush creep into his cheeks, ‘Well, you shout when you’re stressed … and it’s forgotten about when the job’s done. I’ve got to know you a lot better than that and … I’m quite … taken with the person you are. I mean … underneath all of those barriers you put up to hide yourself from people, you’re a decent person.’

Rodney didn’t say anything. His jaw tightened and Radek could swear that he could see tears in his eyes, Radek wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. Rodney was clearly astonished with how high another human being thought of him. 

‘S-so … what do you say? About … a date?’ Radek asked.

‘Yes. Well, yeah … I suppose,’ Rodney cleared his throat and tried stop himself from sounding too eager.

A huge weight felt like it had been lifted from Radek’s shoulders. 

‘Oh, okay. You actually saying yes didn’t really factor into any of my calculations.’

Rodney laughed, then his features softened, ‘When you were … and I had a hold of you … I was so scared that you were going to die,’ he took a deep breath, ‘I regretted never actually telling you how much you meant to me. I felt lousy. I kept thinking, god, is the last thing he’s gonna remember about me all those times I screamed at him? Well I mean, 90% of the time shouting was justifiable I think, but maybe the other 10% was going too far? Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is … I did regret not telling you my true feelings. That I actually quite like you.’

Rodney squeezed Radek’s hand. Radek couldn’t believe what he was hearing, a sudden feeling of elation swelled in his chest overriding the pain for a few sweet seconds.

‘You’re still an absolute idiot for getting yourself shot though.’

‘Says the person whose timing was completely off,’ Radek tried to keep a straight face. 

The two of them laughed.

‘I better get going,’ Rodney said, ‘I promised Carson I would get some sleep.’

‘Yes you should, and so should I,’ Radek replied.

Rodney stood up, letting go of Radek’s hand.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow then,’ he said.

‘Tomorrow,’ Radek smiled.

Rodney brushed the hair out of Radek’s eyes, leaned over and kissed him. It wasn’t a particularly long kiss but it was tender and sincere, filled with the emotion they felt for each other that they had taken so long to admit. Rodney then smiled and walked out of the room with more of a spring in his step, despite his tiredness. Radek grinned goofily to himself, never in a million years did he imagine that to actually happen. Then again, Radek didn’t imagine himself ever getting shot either. Life was definitely full of surprises.

At least now Radek could say with 100% certainty that Rodney’s lips were soft.

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually my first Stargate Atlantis fanfcition! I really enjoyed writing this, but found that Rodney is definitely a hard character to pin down in writing. I tweaked his dialogue many times but it still seems slightly off to me. I tried to keep as close the the characters as possible, but as I said, I found Rodney very difficult to write. Well, the only way I'll get better is more practice.


End file.
